Video Game Review: Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter (Xbox 360)

Although the Xbox 360 launch was riddled with sub-par ports of last generation's games, there was always hope on the horizon. Announcements of games like "Ghost Recon," "Gears of War" and "Too Human" looked to provide real next-generation thrills rather than original Xbox rehashes.
Finally, "Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon 3: Advanced Warfighter" has been distributed to stores, and gamers everywhere can finally witness something on their systems that justifies their $400 purchase.

For those of you not familiar with the series, the "Ghosts" are an elite special force unit reminiscent of Delta Force that handle tactical operations with a combination of advanced technology, stealth and extreme force.

Naturally, the first thing to catch anyone's eye upon playing is the graphics. They're not just good in the general sense, but also in the incredible attention to detail Ubisoft obviously worked on. Every detail on your soldier's uniform looks perfect, right down to the wrinkling of the material. If you put on your night-vision goggles, not only do warm bodies show up, but also the shell-casings from your gun. Because the entire campaign portion of the game takes place in Mexico City, the heat waves and blazing sun affect your field vision and play an integral role in where you want to position your character. In other words, we're not on the Xbox anymore.
The game is not without its flaws, however.

Commanding your troops ranges from mildly annoying to extremely aggravating. Although the game really makes you believe like you are personally in a "Black Hawk Down" setting, having your troops act like brain-dead nincompoops really sends you crashing back down to earth. They often run straight in to enemy fire, cluster together and become sitting ducks, or do not follow you when you really need them too. Thankfully, the game allows you to heal them at will, granting you are not under fire at the moment.

And heal them you will. For some reason, Ubisoft found it important to include every gamers most hated level design: That of the "escort mission." Naturally, this means you have to escort a weakling character, whom you have no control over, past viscious enemies while avoiding shooting said escort yourself, all the while trying to keep you and your troops alive.

Additionally, the game has only two difficulty settings that should be named "Hard" and "Harder." There is no easy setting to be found anywhere. "Ghost Recon" is not the type of game for the casual "Madden" player nor for anyone who starts throwing controllers around the room when the screen reads "Game Over." You're going to die, and you will die often. In true Tom Clancy-game tradition, enemies will often kill you in one or two shots, and oftentimes you will have no idea where the shot came from. Realistic? Yes. Fun? Depends on your disposition.
As for me, I like to plot out my next move and move cautiously, always on the look-out for enemies.

You're also going to need those skills for the best part of the game: Multiplayer. It is almost a given that "Ghost Recon" will become the "Halo 2" Xbox Live experience for the 360. Not only does the game bring the same jaw-dropping visual experience as the single player, but the maps are ingenious, as is the gameplay. I will go as far as to say the multi-player "Ghost Recon" experience trumps "Halo 2" in terms of strategy. In team games, it is almost a death wish to not talk to your teammates, and ambushes and flanking strategies demand players work together. Having a great shot doesn't hurt either.

Grade: AB

This article was originally published in the March 30, 2006 edition of the Marquette Tribune

CD Review: Hawthorne Heights "If Only You Were Lonely"

On Hawthorne Heights' debut album, The Silence in Black and White, they may have become the most reviled emo band on the face on the planet. No lyric was considered out of bounds for hardcore screaming, nothing too cliché; "cut my wrist and black my eyes" from "Ohio is for Lovers" was delivered without even a hint of irony. Yet somewhere along the way, Hawthorne caught on, especially with high schoolers eating up all the melodrama in the video for "Niki FM" and asking for seconds. In essence, Hawthorne was more marketing than band.

Now, it has returned with its sophomore effort, called, not surprisingly, If Only You Were Lonely, which debuted at number three in the country its first week out. The only thing you need to know? Song titles include "Saying Sorry," "Dead in the Water" and "Where Can I Stab Myself in the Ears." A sample lyric: "You don't have to speak/because I can hear your heartbeat/fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink."

The only points the band gets is for learning enough about irony to create a song called "We Are So Last Year," and toning down the screaming so more soccer moms will approve the disc for their prepubescent daughters, who are pining for more music from charisma-challenged front man J.T. Woodruff.

The CD comes in both "boy" and "girl" versions. Why do you desperately need both? Because, and I am not making this up, each version's liner notes only contain half of a story about two star-crossed lovers. So to find out the whole thing, you need to buy the same CD twice. Get it? As those Guinness guys would say, "Brilliant!"

Grade: D

This review first appeared in the March 23, 2006 edition of the Marquette Tribune.

Video Game Review: College Hoops 2K6 (Xbox 360)

For those of you who have played "College Hoops 2K6" for PS2 or Xbox and are wondering how the Xbox 360 version measures up, let me break it down for you: It's the same great game, not too much new has been added and the graphics are identical to what you're already familiar with.

But if you're like me, you sold your last generation system (and the old version of "College Hoops") for the 360 and still have had a hankering for some college hoops. This is your only option.

Despite the other versions being released more than three months ago, little to nothing has been added. If you have played or own "NBA 2K6," you know this is a disturbing trend with 2K sports games. Most abysmal is the minimal improvement that the graphics have received — although the players themselves have been touched up, the courts have been left alone. It's quite jarring to see high resolution players running around on a fuzzy low-res court. Additionally, because all of the camera views that are actually playable are so far away from the action, the courts stick out more and the players less. Another bizarre graphical glitch involves the names on the backs of jersey's not being readable during actual gameplay.

And it's not only the lack of improvements, but a willingness on 2K Games' part to let things slide. Team fight songs are very limited (Marquette's is nowhere to be found) and during tournament or neutral court games, one team is still designated as the "home" team and the stadium is completely taken up by that team's fans.

Finally, the announcing is a cruel lesson in monotony — instead of cranking Metallica or Christina Aguilera for prisoners of war, the United States should consider turning this game on. Seriously, the repetitive and inane commentary is that brutal.

Despite these complaints, the gameplay and the Legacy and Xbox Live modes make this a game worth getting your hands on if you're a fan of the sport. 2K Games' shot stick works beautifully and gives the user nearly perfect control in creating any type of shot they want. Post moves work well, and problems from the 2K5 version of the game, such as the ability to steal the ball at will, have been removed.

The Legacy mode really puts you in the Armani-wearing, Lexus-driving shoes of a big-time basketball coach. You're allowed to recruit players all the way down from senior to freshman in high school. Junior college players also remain a viable option. Developing players, scheduling games and leading your team through their respective conference tournament to the Big Dance are all part of a complete package.

And even though this game boasts intelligent opponent A.I., nothing can replace taking on a human opponent. So if you're one of the many who feels that "Felix" is a five-letter curse word, you can take your Marquette team onto Xbox Live and show the Alabama fans where it's at.

Grade: BC

This review first appeared in the March 23, 2006 edition of the Marquette Tribune.

Movie Review: Final Destination 3

Every film critic loves the chance to review an award-winning movie. After drudging through mediocre film after mediocre film, it's a joy to finally review something that will be nominated at the year's end and rewarded for its contribution to cinema.
'Final Destination 3' is such a film. Except in this case, it will certainly be nominated in the prestigious category of "The Worst Film You've Ever Seen" or perhaps the "Wait, this didn't go straight to DVD?" honor or even the "I think I saw that on Spike TV last night" award.

What passes as the story in "Final Destination 3" goes like this: Wendy (Mary Elizabeth Christian) takes a few pictures of her friends on her digital camera while they're at an amusement park. When she gets on a roller coaster, she foresees everyone dying. Being freaked out, she demands to get off. Her friends get off with her. Everyone else left on the coaster dies after it becomes derailed.

And those photos? They predict exactly how each person is going to die — in the order they were originally on the roller coaster. Then Wendy and her friend Kevin (Ryan Merriman) go around warning their buddies (who for some reason are usually hanging out around swords and heavy machinery) that they're going to die. Then they do.

Sounds pretty decent for a horror flick right? Not really. Not only are we told who is going to die, and in what order, but we also know how. This leaves us with this movie's fatal flaw: why the hell are we watching if we know exactly what is going to happen? At the promo screening of this movie, the audience was literally laughing every time someone died. It became a comedy, the deaths were so ridiculous and gory, the only thing left to do was laugh. But as a comedy, which I suppose someone could argue this is, it fails as well. If I want to laugh at physical comedy, I'd rather see someone slip on a banana peal than get killed with 20 nail gun shots to the face.

The only genre conventions it gets right is the use of the "token black guy" who says stuff like "What up, dog!" The film is borderline racist and absolutely tasteless. The only blacks that appear in the film are on the football team, and they only appear lifting weights and grunting.
On a different note the film equates the "mysterious force" that is killing off the characters was also responsible for 9/11. Does it go any deeper into this "photograph's predict the future" scenario, especially considering this fantasy horror movie just linked it's B-movie plot to a real disaster? Nope.

Basically it comes down to this: "Final Destination 3" is a horror/slasher film without the knife-wielding masked psycho. However, it does use that kitchen utensil in a different way. It uses it to cut away anything that would make this film remotely entertaining. Making us care a little about the fate of the main characters? Sliced. Giving us some explanation as to why these characters are being killed one by one? Diced. Gratuitous shots of breasts? Well, at least they kept that in there for their target audience of 13-year-old boys. Everyone else's destination should be avoiding this movie so it really is the final one.

Grade: F

CD Review: Yellowcard "Lights and Sounds"

Yellowcard exploded, somewhat unexpectedly, onto the MTV-approved music scene in 2003, with its pop/punk/emo-tinged breakthrough album Ocean Avenue. Although there were other singles, the title track forever cemented the band in the consciousness of the mainstream as "that punk band with the violinist."

Admittedly the collection had its moments, from the stunning "Back Home" to the straight-up guitar rock of "Twenty Three." Naturally however, whenever a pop band gets too, um, popular, there comes a backlash — and in this case, some of it was justified. "Ocean Avenue" was so sickenly sweet that after awhile you kind of just wanted to tell that violinist where he could stick his instrument.

Now Yellowcard's back for the requisite follow-up album, called Lights and Sounds. It's full of fancy production, instrumentals and a song about a solider in Iraq. Somewhat unnaturally, it all actually works, except for the war song.

To get the embarrassing out of the way first, "Two Weeks Before Twenty" is somehow a cross of Green Day's American Idiot and a Bob Dylan song, and the results make Chernobyl look like a smashing success. That said, the rest of the album is more ass-kicking than an entire season of "Walker Texas Ranger."

The violin now can only be found somewhere in the distant background and in the occasional solo, making for a less distracting and gimmicky Yellowcard musical experience. The first single is the title track, "Lights and Sounds," which is a fairly simple rock song that serves as the introduction to the album and is followed by the catchy, mall-rock of "Down On My Head," which should make your next trip to Hollister a tuneful experience.

The disc really kicks into gear about halfway through, starting with the sonically and lyrically stunning "Waiting Game." The song is all melodrama and strings and has the sound of band that knows what they're doing is something epic.

As another plus, the songs here are about more than the last time the lead singer got dumped. "How I Go," a slow, weepy song that features a duet with the Dixie Chicks' Natalie Maines is about a dying father's last words to his son. And "City of Devils" eloquently struggles with the battle between choosing right and wrong while resisting the urge to turn the song into a sermon. That's not to say the band has lost their sense of fun either, "Sure Thing Falling" is a high-school relationship on the rocks song that tackles pot smoking and breaking up, among other things.
Most rewarding about Lights and Sounds is Yellowcard's willingness to give the finger to the typical mopey emo many expected of them and a willingness to embrace their inner Third Eye Blind. The band dispenses with any notion that they are anything more than a pop-rock band and it suits them perfectly. Not having to take the time to put in requisite punk or emo flourishes, this newfound focus gives them time to craft huge anthems and tight rock songs, which was always the band's strength in the first place.

Grade: A

Video Game Review: Dead or Alive 4

Although the Xbox 360 launch had a stellar collection of games — from "Call of Duty 2" to "Project Gotham Racing 3" — one genre was sorely missing. Yes, if you were looking to pit impossibly voluptuous women against impossibly muscular men in a martial arts battle to the death, you were left out in the cold. Thankfully, developer Team Ninja has released "Dead or Alive 4" to fill that gaping void.

For those familiar with previous iterations of the series, not too much has changed here except that the game is now powered by the 360, allowing for stunning visual scenery and more fluid character animation.

It seems the development team spent most of its time on the backgrounds, which look like photographs, rather than the characters themselves, which look grounded in the last-generation. However, those characters move lightening fast, and the frame rate never suffers at any point, allowing the action to flow continuously.

Besides being beautiful, those backgrounds also play an integral role in the game. In the marketplace venue, for instance, you can punch and kick your opponent down stairs or into a fruit stand. Other locations have electrified fences or floors and one level has wild animals that might maul you if you get too close.
For novice fighting-game players, the story mode is a good place to start the game. In its default settings, it's quite easy to conquer by the time-tested tradition of pounding as many buttons as possible. On higher difficulty settings, especially if you choose to take the game online and play against expert players, learning the individual character moves is a must. Thankfully, if you pause the game, you can peruse the full list of moves for the character you're using.

Make no mistake, on anything above regular difficulty you'll need to be a master of these martial arts maneuvers. A strong case could be made that the game "cheats" at certain points when playing the computer. If you happen to get caught in a computer-controlled combo, the fight may be over before it ever starts. Once sucked into said combo, there is no way to get out — you just have to sit and watch helplessly as your character get pummeled, generally losing the majority of the health bar in the process.
This is nothing new to fighting game enthusiasts, but for those just looking for some button-mashing action, it may prove controller-throwing aggravating.

Outside of the story and online modes, "Dead or Alive 4" has a few other options to keep gamers playing. You can hone your skills in the Sparring, Time Attack and Survival Modes and a host of unlockables, including additional characters (one of which is from the revered "Halo" universe) and costumes.
For those of you who have been pining away for a fighter to play on your Xbox 360, you'll want to play this game like it's your job. If you get frustrated learning moves and getting the crap kicked out of you, it's probably not necessary to apply.

Grade: B

Tops for 2005: Song and Film Picks

Songs

"Gold Digger" by Kanye West — If you don't start getting down when you hear the "Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger" line, you either don't have a pulse or your hip is broken. This funny, insanely catchy and universally acclaimed track is certainly the top song of 2005.

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day — Leaving Dookie and the five-finger knuckle shuffle behind, Green Day has transformed itself into one the most important bands of the '00s. The American Idiot album is monumental and this single is rock at its best.

"Mr. Brightside" by the Killers — I'm not going to brag that I had their album from day one (read: June 2004) but I'm glad everyone and their grandmother now loves "Mr. Brightside" and the eye-liner wearing stud who sings it, Brandon Flowers.

"Sugar We're Goin' Down" by Fall Out Boy — Emo music is at its best when it combines sugary pop hooks with an undercurrent of hardcore bitterness underneath. With lyrics like, "I'm just a notch in your bedpost / But you're just a line in a song," it just goes to show that although high school may be over, you can relive the pain every day.

"Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani — Hey, if ladies feel empowered by hearing Gwen Stefani say "sh*t" three dozen times, then who am I to argue with them? While the appeal for the rest of us may remain a mystery, one thing is clear, this sh*t is B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Films

"Batman Begins" — Yes, it's not what would traditionally be named Best Picture, but this film is as close to perfect as possible. Spot-on casting, powerhouse performances, great story, great direction and great production. "Does this thing come in black?"


"Cinderella Man" — Although it came and went rather quickly in theaters, it is without a doubt a masterpiece courtesy of Ron Howard and star Russell Crowe. I hope it finds a home on DVD and at the Oscars because nothing less is deserved.

"Wedding Crashers" — Vince Vaughn. Owen Wilson. Will Ferrell as a "funeral-crasher." There is absolutely nothing not to like is this side-splitting summer hit. Although the movie fizzles in its final third, it's roll-in-the-aisles funny before that.

"Kingdom of Heaven" — Although it was a bust at the box-office, this swords and sandals epic reveals a real depth with repeated viewings. An under-appreciated performance by Orlando Bloom and a show-stopping one from Edward Norton also make it one of the year's best.

"Star Wars Episode III" — A "Star Wars" film that captures some, if not most, of the magic of the original trilogy? Yes please! Probably the darkest of all six movies, Episode III follows the transformation of Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader in a great movie that not even George Lucas' script could mess up.

Concert Review: Collective Soul with Better than Ezra

If you found yourself in the Eagles Ballroom at The Rave November 10, 2005, you might have thought you walked through a time portal back into 1995. You also would have found a very small but passionate crowd of fans cheering on the hits from Collective Soul and Better than Ezra.

Whether or not it was a good or bad episode of "I Love the '90s" probably depends on your affinity for the aforementioned bands.

Collective Soul is well known for a string of hits it had during the Clinton years, including
"December," "Shine" and "The World I Know." Those songs sounded just as good they did a decade ago, but that may be part of the problem.

There's just no excitement in hearing them live any more. Although partially the fault of rock radio stations, Collective Soul's hits are starting to feel tired.

What does the band have as far as new material? Not much. When lead singer Ed Roland announced a tune as "the latest single from our album," it was greeted by applause better suited for a golf tournament than a rock concert.

Judging from the look of the crowd, which was highlighted far too often by the excessive use of flood lights, it was made up of mostly 30-somethings who were aging about as well as Collective Soul's music.

Those who were left over after Better than Ezra departed were pretty melancholy considering they were watching a pretty hard-rocking band.
Naturally, there were a couple of positives to Collective Soul's set. Roland showed some charisma, dancing with his microphone stand and flinging his long oh-so-golden locks back and forth.

He even donned a Wisconsin sweatshirt for the length of one song, much to the delight of the crowd. And the riffs from "Why Pt. 2" and "Heavy" were still as, well, heavy, as they have ever been.

Better than Ezra's show might have been good, but the world will never know. They were the helpless victims of the horrendous acoustics of the expansive Eagles Ballroom. Lead singer Kevin Griffin commented several times on the conditions, saying that this might be the most "echoey" room he had ever played in. It was nearly impossible to make out the words Griffin was singing when they were all playing their instruments.
What was distinguishable were the familiar chords of "Good" and "Desperately Wanting" the songs that made Better than Ezra famous.

Additionally, "A Lifetime," a great tune that marks Ezra's impassioned attempt to become relevant again, was delivered with plenty of gusto and emotion.

Grade: CD

Concert Review: John Legend

Attending the John Legend concert on Thursday November 17, 2005, at the Riverside Theatre was somewhat like attending a church service. Not in the sense that anything divine was going on, but rather that people were standing and sitting together in unison and there were plenty of women that would have gladly been willing to kneel at the altar of John Legend if given the chance.

The cause for all this commotion is well-founded. Legend tore through all the cuts off his debut album Get Lifted — an Alicia Keys-like album, except with songs about cheatin' on your girl and appearances by Kanye West, Snoop Dogg and a gospel choir.

Indeed, perhaps the biggest and most unavoidable flaw of the show was the lack of those powerhouse guests and a full choir. "Number One" just wasn't the same without Kanye rhyming about his fidelity troubles. Also, without the guest appearance, the song clocked in at a scant two-and-a-half minutes. "I Can Change" was changed too much with the lack of one Snoop Dogg and all of his "nephew" references. Surprisingly, the raps were completely skipped over altogether, forgoing any attempt to have anyone else even try them. Thankfully, Legend's voice is so strong he was able to carry the rest of the songs on his own.

He was the consummate entertainer all night long, handling an embarrassing microphone miscue that created about a 15 minute delay. During the search for a working mic, Legend continued to entertain the audience, playing his version of the "Jeopardy" waiting music that eventually morphed into a full band version of the tune.

He probably didn't say more than five or six sentences the whole evening but elicited plenty of reaction from the crowd, whether it was by singing the hook of the Kanye song he appears on, or ripping off a few shirts, to the delight of the females in attendance.

One of the strengths of Get Lifted is how easily it transitions between raucous and uplifting and slow and contemplative. This carried over well to the concert, with people getting up and shaking their thing during the smash hit "Used to Love U." During the song, Legend walked back and forth across the stage, urging the crowd to sing along. For "Ordinary People" the lights switched to a dark blue, and it was just Legend and a piano. It was almost like you had just walked into a blues lounge and were witnessing the birth of a star.

The latter part may very well turn out to be true.

With Legend's musical credits already including work with Lauryn Hill and Jay-Z, Get Lifted seems like only the start of something rather than the culmination. Judging from his ability to put on a great show and craft songs that so obviously speak to the masses, Legend should be around for awhile.

Grade: AB

CD Review: Mest "Photographs"

What's the dillio with Mest? This band used to be all about drinking Milwaukee's Best and partying hard and using language that would make, if not your mother, then the local parish priest blush. But on Photographs, their fourth album in five years, Mest ditched the bouncy beats and is basically asking fans to trade in their pogo-sticks for a rocking chair and slippers.

Now the band is writing songs with titles like, "Take Me Away (Cried Out to Heaven)" and "As His Heart Dies (My Mistake)." This from the same group that, just a couple of years ago, was writing songs like "Fuct Up Kid" and whose big hit basically went like this, "With the top down/ seat back/we're rollin' in my Cadillac." Perhaps their friendship with Good Charlotte, whose latest release was also laughably pretentious, is starting to rub off.

Basically, Mest has given us 12 sober, similar sounding cuts. They might get one or two right, like the occasionally elegant, prom-worthy, piano driven "This Time." Unfortunately, that's not enough to justify this album's existence. When bands grow up they are supposed to make smarter music — not get boring.

Grade: F

Movie Review: Elizabethtown

At no point during a movie heavily advertised as a "chick flick" should the warm and cuddly feelings be replaced by a sense of utter bewilderment. But such is the case with "Elizabethtown." Written and directed by critical darling Cameron Crowe, this picture will have the audience thinking "Say What?" more than evoking fond feelings of Crowe's "Say Anything."

The movie is actually a far cry from its advertisements. The love story between Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom) and Claire Colburn (Kirsten Dunst) feels too much like an afterthought, seemingly thrown in for the sole reason of selling movie tickets. At this juncture in her career, Dunst appears to be limited to only playing the superfluous, not-a-care-in-the-world female. Bloom is reduced to a whiny schoolboy who seems dumbfounded at the fact that Southern people offer hospitality.
There are problems everywhere in the script. In the beginning, Drew is suicidal because he lost a shoe company $1 billion because of a bad design he was responsible for. What? Did his company order 10 million before it realized there was a defect? Did it steal all of Drew's personal salary? What was wrong with the shoe? Not to nitpick, but this opening scene leaves the viewer in a perpetual state of confusion as the movie barrels on.

The interactions between Drew and Claire are worse. In their first meeting, Claire, who only occasionally remembers her Southern accent, talks to Bloom like she's a stalker. She is supposed to be a cute flight attendant, yet she comes across as an annoying freak when talking to Drew (who does get comedic points for his looks of disgust). Later, Drew and Claire engage in what is supposed to be a romantic moment, as they talk on the phone for hours. Then — get ready — the movie employs a montage sequence of this momentous event. A phone montage? Did Crowe run out of cheesy lines? Did he think it would look meaningful watching Bloom sit and stand in different positions during this discussion?

Thankfully, their relationship becomes nothing more than an afterthought from this point on, as Bloom has to engage in the obligatory "finding himself" moments and reconnecting with his now deceased father.

Crowe just puts too many ideas in this part of the film. There is the old friend struggling with fatherhood, there's his father's ex-lover, there's Drew's mom and sister coming to town and, somewhere in the background, is the love story. Crowe expects the audience to be enamored by all of the subplots and characters. We are supposed to be enthralled by the stereotypical small Southern town. But all we get is a sense of confusion over which story we are supposed to care about.

It certainly can't be the love story, not with Dunst plowing through lines like, "Most of the sex in my life has not been as intimate as that kiss." Padded by approximately 10 seconds of dead silence, we are left to ponder the line and also fall in the love with the character.

Say what?

This article was published in The Marquette Tribune on October 13, 2005.

Event Review: Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show

If there was one thing Vince Vaughn proved during his "Wild West Comedy Show" Sunday at the Pabst Theater, it would be that he is larger than life.

Not only did his imposing 6-foot-5-inch stature help him tower over the other comedians and guests, but it was obvious this A-list movie star is at the height of his popularity. If Vaughn had stood on stage and read from the phone book, the audience would have been absolutely riveted and hung on his every word.
The show took up a simple format: a comedian came out, then a skit was performed and then another comedian.

The first time Vaughn handed off the microphone, it went to Ahmed Ahmed, whose material mostly consisted of what it is like being of Middle Eastern descent in a post 9/11 society. Whether or not the crowd remembered some of the material from Ahmed's appearance in the documentary "Fahrenheit 9/11" didn't seem to matter. Ahmed later touched on how the ladies treat him when they find out he's Egyptian. He said one even asked him to make her his Egyptian princess.

"Okay, throw a towel over your head and be quiet," was his response. With this, Vaughn — the man the crowd obviously paid to see — returned to the stage.
He brought out "A Christmas Story" star Peter Billingsley for a skit which was based on an "After-School Special" they were in during the 1980s. Although the sketch lacked any real comedy or spontaneity (both actors read from scripts), the audience didn't seem to mind, laughing every time Vaughn raised an eyebrow.

The skits generally failed to bring any excitement to the standing-room only show.
Justin Long, who played the dorky high-school kid in "Dodgeball," was trotted out so two audience members could throw dodgeballs at him, even though he basically begged to run through scenes with Vaughn.

Keir O'Donnell, who played the gay painter in "Wedding Crashers," made an appearance to draw pictures based on audience suggestions. However, it became apparent the pictures were pre-drawn and the banter seemed forced. It would have been better if the show had directly ripped off "Whose Line is it Anyway?" and actually performed improvisational skits.
Whether it was because of the amount of alcohol being consumed as the night went on or the material of the comics, the audience was rocking back and forth in their seats during the sets.
No one had the crowd eating out of his hand more than closing comic John Caparulo. He let loose a near constant stream of profanity and stories about his failed attempts at holding fast-food jobs.

"You want cookies on the sandwich too?" Caparulo asked a rather large man ordering a no-holds-barred sandwich at the Subway he worked at. "You know, you don't need everything — you're going to eat three hours from now," was his considerate advice.
The other two comics were well above average as well. Sebastian Maniscalco did a good job covering the absurdity of "text-message wars" and did a better job pondering why women wear "Little Slut" shirts out to the club. Bret Ernst took a more frat boy approach with topics ranging from stupid friends to gay jokes and back again.

The show closed with Vince Vaughn belting out "Sweet Caroline," yet the moment was almost ruined due to an overzealous female in the crowd and the inept and ill-prepared Pabst security. Earlier in the show, the woman made it all the way to Vaughn on the stage before security gently returned her to her seat. The second time, right before the song started, she made it to the steps where the obviously annoyed Vaughn quipped, "I remember my first beer too. It was great."

Grade: B

This story was originally published as a Marquette Tribune Online exclusive on October 11, 2005.

CD Review: The King of France

The King of France, the band, is actually quite a bit like the French. It's probably better to listen to the band after a couple bottles of French wine,who have a few redeeming qualities, but probably aren't suited for (music) world domination quite yet.

On its sophomore release, the three-man band from New York manage to do quite a few things right. Originality isn't the question here; they are able to simultaneously sound like a combination of the Barenaked Ladies and Modest Mouse trying to cover a Coldplay tune. However, the problems begin to pop up there. The lyrics are too silly to be taken seriously, yet too stupid to be funny. There is nothing to laugh at and also nothing to take seriously.
So maybe we can excuse this. King of France is just a hip indie band, right? And, despite the fact that they are featured in every MTV "Real World Austin" promotional commercial, they have a song placed in the also hip indie movie "The Baxter."

Unfortunately, although the collection of songs here are best described with words like "frenetic" and "edgy," neither of those terms necessarily translates into a more important one: "good."
Occasionally, things come together for King of France, which is the most enjoyable and most frustrating aspect of the album. For example, the dark and brooding "Moon," despite its lounge-lizard vibe, is able to stay on an even keel throughout, creating one of the most listenable tracks. It also allows the bands pop sensibility to shine through, employing an "ah-ah-ah-ooh" hook during the chorus. Similarly, the opening track "Mexico" rides its bouncy piano from start to finish, creating a decent pop song along the way.
These songs prove that King of France can play interesting music when they don't shy away from getting peoples heads to nod or hands to clap or get lost in trying to do things no one else is doing.

But the rest of the album quickly crawls back into the "boring" and "quirky" categories just as quickly as it hopped out, creating nothing of relevance for the listener.
Bands like King of France can't simply rely on their "outsider" status to establish credibility. It's also possible to be outside of the mainstream and create songs that people can attach themselves to and care about. It's almost as if someone forgot to tell the band that the soundtrack to "Garden State" already came out, having been released last year.

Obviously, King of France is comprised of talented musicians that have the ability to craft some interesting tunes — and occasionally a few fine ones.
The opening track states, "I'm going to Mexico and I'm never coming back." The band shouldn't, at least until they can figure out exactly who they want to be.
Grade: C

This article was published in The Marquette Tribune on October 6, 2005.

Book Review: "Lunar Park" by Bret Easton Ellis

Most people would probably give Bret Easton Ellis' newest novel Lunar Park a chance if the titles Less than Zero, The Rules of Attraction and American Psycho ring a bell. Ellis wrote all of these controversial, yet wildly popular and critically acclaimed novels, as well as The Informers and Glamorama. Although it would appear that Ellis has left behind the world of psycho killers and the crazy drug-addled lives of college students - both of those topics make more than an appearance in Park.

The book is written in a semi-autobiographical voice; the lead character is also named Bret Easton Ellis who is also famous for having written the same books. The first chapter is fabulously entertaining as the (fictional?) Ellis recaps the past few decades of his life. At the height of his fame he was admittedly "snorting maybe forty bags of heroin" a day and having the drug cop the publisher hired for his book tour write memos like, "Somehow writer has been tear-gassed at anti-globalization demonstration in Chicago."

The novel picks up in the present day, which finds Ellis married to Jayne - whom he dated nearly a decade before - for three months. They have a son named Robby, who is 11. They live together in a suburban mansion with Robby, who doesn't call Ellis "dad" and with Jayne's child Sarah, who calls him "dad" even though he isn't.

Ellis isn't only trying to kick his drug habit; he's also working on becoming a father. However, in the span of 12 days everything starts going to hell. First, furniture starts rearranging itself in the shape of Ellis' boyhood home, followed by mysterious emails sent by the bank where his father's ashes are kept, to a killer mimicking the events of American Psycho, and finally demons from Bret's imagination start to infest the house.

According to various interviews, the real-life Ellis is a big Stephen King fan and it shows in the gory parts. Unfortunately, Ellis seems to be riffing off more of King's Dreamcatcher material than anything substantial. For example, does Sarah's mechanical Terby doll really have to come alive and possess the family dog by entering from, shall we say, the rear?

Ellis' expertise is social commentary and his deadpan way of describing society's ills, not horror. The demon attacks and mysterious person appearances start to drag on for so long, one sort of wishes they would just kill Bret and put him out of his misery.

Whenever the hero of the story isn't being stalked by the ghost of his father or the Terby isn't flying around is when the novel gets interesting. While one half of the book is a horror story, the other is a razor-sharp satire of children forced to grow up too quickly and the clueless parents surrounding them. At a parent/teacher conference Ellis and his wife are told that Sarah's platypus drawing for her first grade class should look "less deranged" and should look more like the "average platypus." It is suggested by the teacher that perhaps there is too much stress at home and that all parents are encouraged to take the "complimentary stress basket" with them.
Ellis isn't afraid to make fun of himself either, explaining that his new novel will be about a self-proclaimed "sexpert" who "dates only models" and carries "a large bag filled with various lubricants" and the book will "contain at least a hundred sex scenes." All of this is an obvious homage to the critical backlash American Psycho received for allegedly sensationalizing gore to sell copies.

Although Lunar Park may not go a long way in ridding Ellis of his American Psycho stigma, it is autobiographical in not only the sense that it shines a light on Ellis' life but also highlights his talents and weaknesses in writing.

Grade: B

This article was published in The Marquette Tribune on September 15, 2005.

Video Game Review: Madden 2006

A week after "Madden 2006" launched, it sold a staggering 1.7 million copies across multiple platforms. Truth be told, it probably relied merely on name recognition and its status as the only NFL-licensed football game this year for it to sell that many copies. Its success certainly was not because of the much advertised "Vision Control" or any new features added to the game.

Every year since its inception, the same question is posed by "Madden" fans and critics: Is this a brand new game worth my money or is it just a roster-updated rehash of the previous version?

Each year it seems there is a small contingent that votes for the latter while the majority votes with their dollars, which has made "Madden" the flagship product of Electronic Arts (EA).
"Madden" is like the "Star Wars" of video games: No matter what the reviews are, the masses are still going to buy it. Unfortunately for "Madden '06," that doesn't stop it from sucking. The minor flaws and oversights may be just that, but should they really exist in a product that has been revised for a decade and a half? Hey EA, why does the Vision Control handle so loosely that I get sacked every other down? Why, every single time the computer or I run a draw play, the vision cone is stuck straight ahead, giving away the play before it develops? Why is there only one coach on the sidelines and not even one living soul standing in the area behind the end zones? The announcing hasn't improved much either since the Sega Genesis days, with John Madden still only able to state the obvious and bellow random "booms!" And, oh yeah, your $50 also buys you a game where the players have the strange ability to literally pass through other players as if they were ghosts.

Maybe if I didn't know anything about football, I could enjoy this game more. Maybe if I had an explanation for how the Green Bay Packers led the league in defense after my season, or how Aaron Kampman, the Pack's sub-par defensive end, led the league in sacks with 24. Or if I had an explanation for how each team is around $20 million dollars above the salary cap, allowing me to sign all the top free agents right away, eliminating the fun of building a franchise from the ground up.

Not all is wrong with the game however. The music soundtrack is as hip as ever, you can still play football in the game, and multi-player remains entertaining. Of course you could say that about last year's version, and, come to think of it, the previous year's too.
In the end, I really wish I could get my money back for this edition. I'm guessing a lot of those people who have already bought this game would agree with me.

Grade: D

This article was published in The Marquette Tribune on September 1, 2005.

DVD Review: The O.C. Complete Second Season

A single quote from Julie Cooper (played by Melinda Clarke) is probably enough to simultaneously give background on the history of "The O.C." as well as shed some light on what makes this show so great.

"Why wouldn't America be fascinated with the lives and loves of Orange County's rich and fabulous? We're all beautiful and we're all dysfunctional. Surf, sex and scandal, it's a recipe for a cultural phenomena. Don't you think?"

Certainly, "The O.C." has crossed over from being a mere TV show and more of a cultural phenomenon. It's not like we haven't seen the stories before: high school love affairs, corporate power plays, cheating, backstabbing and a few genuinely heartfelt moments are nothing new to our television screens.

But the quote above also proves the show is not only smartly written but also aware of its status as a cultural icon. Instead of falling into the realm of self-parody or taking the stories in a different direction, "The O.C." embraces its strengths and plays to them. As long as there's going to be affair after affair and melodrama galore, it might as well have some fun while doing it.

Even the show's weaknesses become its strong points. Case in point, apparently Orange County is blessed with just about everything — except locks on their doors. More specifically, if a couple is making out that probably shouldn't be, you can guarantee someone else is coming into that room. Instead of feeling trite, it keeps the viewer even more interested. It's not a matter of if someone's coming through, it's who, and what new problems that is going to create.

This year, Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) continues to tread into un-chartered territory as not only the video game playing emo-geek but also a trend-setting heartthrob. Ryan (Benjamin McKenzie) finally gets a few lines of his own this season, sometimes even getting in a good comic barb in response to some of Seth's wilder antics. The more serious story arches this year are left to the adults: Sandy, Kirsten, Caleb (Peter Gallagher, Kelly Rowan and Alan Dale respectively); showing that while the kids are still fascinated with alcohol and who's kissing who, the adult world has grave problems of its own.

Sometimes Season Two does feel like a retread of its predecessor. Do we really need another "new girl" who doesn't really fit in but then ends up dating one of the two male leads? Probably not.

And sometimes character exits from the show can be jarring, making it too obvious they have been written out. Hailey (Amanda Righetti) is moving to Japan? Jimmy (Tate Donovan) has to go to Hawaii to collect his thoughts? C'mon, at least take a cue from "The Sopranos" and have everyone get capped.

As for special features appearing on the seven-disc, 24-episode second season, they are fairly sparse. You get two episodes with full-length commentary, a featurette on O.C. fashions, a TV special on the show's success and outtakes from both seasons. The commentaries are lively and insightful, making it worth sitting through the episodes twice. The other features, however, are only mildly interesting because they tend to get bogged down showing too many clips from the shows you have already seen.

The first season of "The O.C." was a hit due to its smart writing, interesting characters and its fresh take on old storylines. Season Two was no exception. Plus it's good entertainment, and just like your life — except when the people on the show screw up, they look really, really good doing it.

Grade: A

This article was published in The Marquette Tribune on September 1, 2005.

CD Review: Rob Thomas "Something to Be"

Choosing to make a solo album after being part of a popular band has always been a risky proposition. It's a move that not only risks alienating present and future fans but also opens the performer up to new avenues of criticism. It can also open up creative avenues and raise artistic integrity to greater heights. Everyone from Mick Jagger to Justin Timberlake has released a solo album with varying degrees of success. The former failed miserably and quickly retreated back to the Stones. The latter was finally relinquished of the boy band label and began to be taken as a serious performer.

Rob Thomas, front-man for Matchbox Twenty, is also leaving his band behind for the time being and venturing out on his own. This isn't the first time he has done so, however. Most will remember Thomas from singing and co-writing the Grammy-winning Santana song "Smooth." Since then, Thomas has diversified himself, writing for country legend Willie Nelson, collaborating with Jagger on the last Matchbox album and writing a song along with Outkast's Big Boi for the forthcoming Santana record.

It's not surprising that Something To Be's songs are as diverse as Thomas' pedigree. "Ever the Same" could very well be this year's prom anthem, "When the Heartache Ends" cops the melody of the Backstreet Boys "I Want It That Way" and "Streetcorner Symphony," which features John Mayer on guitar, sounds a lot like a lost Jason Mraz song. The hit first single off the album, "Lonely No More" is the song Timberlake and Gwen Stefani wished they had recorded for their solo debuts.

Something to Be also allows Thomas to play around with all the pretty horns, strings and orchestral arrangements he has loved so much since Matchbox's sophomore album.
Even when production reaches a little too far, Thomas' voice is able to carry the songs. His voice is a distinctive one, much like a Liam Gallagher or Adam Duritz, and can be relied upon to convey basic emotions like anger and love with the required amount of passion and tenderness.
The only real low point on the album is "Fallin' to Pieces" where Thomas pays homage to the early Southern country and rock that he listened to growing up. Unfortunately, it doesn't suit his musical abilities or talents in the least and becomes the only track that can safely be skipped over on the album.

When he stays true to his strengths though — strong lyricism, engaging musical ideas and wearing his heart on his sleeve — the album succeeds tremendously.

It would have been easy for Thomas to stay inside the friendly confines of his band or to offer up an album wrought with Santana rehashes. Instead, he chose what's close to his heart: a sometimes rousing, sometimes plaintive, sometimes downright danceable mix of pop songs intended to get in your head and stay awhile. And considering the final results of his first solo project Something To Be, it was the right choice.

Grade: A

This article appeared in The Marquette Tribune on April 28 2005.