Karaoke King

I'm usually about 10 years behind on a lot of trends. I just got out of my Hootie and the Blowfish Cracked Rear View phase (that CD rocks!), finished celebrating a Packers Super Bowl victory (that Andre Rison has a bright future!) and just got done campaigning for Bob Dole (that guys owns a great fruit company!)

That's why it's probably no surprise that I've just discovered the greatest, most satisfying entertainment experience of my life. And it's not even "Guitar Hero II." It's something you've probably been doing for years. I'm talking, of course, about karaoke.

Being up on stage, belting out my favorite tunes after several ounces of liquid confidence, it gives me the same thought I have singing in the shower: "Wow, do I sound good."

But first, a word about what others think about my singing: When I had a role in the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical "South Pacific" ("Bali Hai" gets me every time!) in high school, the director devised a way where I was never on-stage when a song was involved. That's good directing.

She also had major qualms with me on stage for the final reprise when the play was over and everyone took bows. Luckily for those in the audience desperate to hear my magical crooning, I sang that part extra loud. I washed that monkey right off of my back! Rock!

And luckily for those who have witnessed my karaoke, I try to carry that same passion and energy into each chord of the Blessid Union classic "Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me For Me)."

Just like any art form, whether it's painting, writing or posing nude, one can't just go on stage and expect to be an all-star. Just like we learned on our cultural touchstone "American Idol," it's all about song selection. Thankfully, we don't have a Barry Manilow week (unless you're doing "Copacabana" - that song is hardcore!)

At first you might try to do something out of your range (Celine Dion covers), something really boring (any ballad) or a what-the-hell-are-they-singing-that-at-a-bar-for song (something from the Smashing Pumpkins).

There are two universal truths in the world: 1) Watching monkey's throw stuff at each other is funny. 2) Watching guys trying to dance while singing boy band songs is also funny.

Although the first one is great to constantly think about, it doesn't really apply to karaoke. However, the second one does.

There's probably no better song than "Bye, Bye, Bye" as it comes with its own totally amazing dance moves. It also has a lot of street cred because Justin Timberlake did it and look at him now.

Urban Dictionary's sixth (and in my opinion, definitive) definition of karaoke is "A painful form of 'entertainment' only to be attempted when very, very, very drunk. (See also tribute band) Used in a sentence: Big John needs a good eight pints before he is in the mood to murder 'Hotel California.' "

But the definition is missing the bigger, more beautiful picture. Karaoke is about two things - emotion and singing the overlooked gems of our generation (here's looking at you, "Ice, Ice, Baby").

And just like the poet and prophet Ice said (about karaoke): "Turn off the lights and I'll glow/ To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal/ light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle." No doubt, Ice. Once on stage, I too "flow like a harpoon daily and nightly."