What I Learned at College: Sext Education

This is a Catholic, Jesuit University (we should get a dollar every time someone writes a Viewpoint with that phrase), so I want to make sure everyone is aware of a serious epidemic going on around campus. It's been mentioned in a few fashion magazines and in places on the Internet, but it's high time someone addressed it at the college level.

I'm talking about sext, baby. Someone cue Salt 'N Pepa.

It's time for sext education and I'm not going to mince any words. Sext is when you put something on your cell phone, push all the right buttons, and a new text message is created.

Sexting is most common between males and females, but same sex sexts have been known to have been sent.

Probably the most famous sext in the world (some even call it "The sext typed 'round the world") occurred when Britney had sext with K-Fed to tell him they were getting a divorce. There is nothing more depressing than break-up sext. However, there is a flip side: make-up sext. This can be quite enjoyable as you are finally sexting the person you used to sext all the time.

Sexting is a natural extension of the phone and Internet for our generation - it gets us further away from actual people. As we all know, this has its benefits.

Here's a real-life example: Say a nice young gentleman sext's "I want 2B feelin' on yo booty 2nite." Nice! You sext back and say "Don't you have a girlfriend?" And they sext "Not tonight!" You've already had sext three times, with no ramifications! It's then up to you if you want to face this person in real life. Sextperts call this sext "safe-sext." To be fair, there is controversy over whether one can actually have "safe-sext," as the above example could still (although highly unlikely) result in unwanted texts you may not be able to handle or afford.

"Unsafe sext" almost always results in unwanted texts and should be avoided, although in the heat of the moment you may feel the urge to fire a few off.

If you sext a lot, some people find it more comfortable to put a small rubber capsule over whatever appendage you use for sext. Without this accessory, you are risking blisters and a lot of other unsightly ailments - sometimes even death.

Some people like to tell stories about where they have sexted. There is a "Mile High Club" for those able to send such a message from many miles in the air, where it's nearly impossible to get a cell phone signal. From what I've been told, most people sext in the bathroom stall on the plane. They must get better reception there.

The practice of sexting can be so fun, many do it in class, in cars, or in public bathrooms. These people are called "sext addicts."

Sexting goes deep into our cultural lexicon. You know that song that goes "I wanna sext you up?" It's a little known fact, but the song is about how this guy sexted this girl, like 10 times in one night. Awesome.

A lot of people feel uncomfortable with just saying the word "sext," much less discussing it, even though it's a major part of life. If people bring it up they become red in the face and quite angry -- even if the sext other people are having will never have any affect on them or their lives. But, after all, this is a university so I feel more education on the subject is better than less.

And finally, one last piece of advice: On those late nights out on the town, always bring a designated sexter. You'll thank me in the morning.